Back from vaca...reality sucks!
I've been back from vaca for a few days. I had an absoloutly amazing time in Chicago. I got to eat, sleep, and play on my very own schedule. It was so nice to be able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Of course I missed my lil munchkin, but everyone needs a break...especially a new mom. My hotel room was amazing with 4 great views of michigan ave., I got to see snow, shopping in the city was so fun, food was great, made some new friends....all in all for the few days I was there it was heaven! But of course then I had to come home....and reality starts to sink back in. Waking up to the baby monitor at 7am, a few hours later yelling at my "husband" to get his ass outta bed before hes late for work, chasing my 9mo. old around the house and catering to his every need, cleaning, dishes, laundry, diapers, bottles, grocery shopping,...everything that DIDNT get done while I was away!!! Although I do have to say, seeing my lil cutie in his stroller with a huge grin as I walked off the plane was so amazing it brought me to tears....that kid gets me every time.
And considering the news I got today, I cant thank God enough for my beautiful, amazing, healthy, smart son. I have a friend that I went to school with back home. We didnt really hang out until high school...and then we did a lot with church and stuff together. He went on to get married to a wonderful woman and they decided to start a family. Now, these are two of the most wonderful, religious, amazing, caring, loving, grounded people you could ever meet. I couldnt think of two better people to be parents. 7 months after I got pregnant, his wife became pregnant. He was extatic. Most men are a lil scared and stressed...understandably, but not joel, he was thrilled beyond belife. His wife Val was absoloutly amazing and beautiful through her pregnancy and the two of them together couldnt have been more excited to start their family. They found out it was a girl...even more overjoyed! On nov. 3rd she was born, a month early, Rhema...weighing a lil over 4 lbs. They were told she had a disease....Trisomy 13.... meaning she had 13 chromosomes in her DNA strand instead of 12. This causes not only physical but internal disformaities. As first time parents they were told their daughter was lucky she even lived outside the womb, but wouldnt last long. She had extra toes, a cleft pallet, fused eyelids, a partial skull, and a hear murmer just to name a few things. After a week (even though she shouldnt have lived that long) they took her home in the care of hospice. Everyday she lived they were able to grow more attached to her. Turned out her eyelids werent fused and she did have eyeballs....blue ones. Her skull turned out ok too, but the older she got she would randomly stop breathing. Partly because of the heart murmur, sleep apena, and partly beacause her brain wasnt developed enough to remind her to always breath. They had to preform rescue breathing for her a few times, and she pulled out ok. She was beautiful, and full of life, and happy and had the cutest smile. And today I got the news....she passed away last night at 11:15pm. Thats all I know....I assume it was a no breathing spell, and this time she didnt make it. They knew it was bound to happen, and for almost 3 months they have been playing a waiting game. I cant imagine the emotional stress day to day, now there is grief, but relief. My heart sank when I heard the news. I teared up, but my husband came in the room and I didnt want him to see. I dont feel comfortable around him anymore and hes the last person I want comforting me. So I've waited until now, sitting here at the computer....hes at work, the baby is in bed....and now its my turn to grieve over that beautiful little baby girl whos parents must feel completly broken. She was almost 3 months old....almost. And all I can think about was last night...close to that time, I was in my sons room saying good night. He rolled over and opened his eyes to look at me....I was scared to death he was going to wake up and I was going to be up with him all night. I let out a sigh of relief when he layed his head down and went back to sleep. While Joel and his wife...at close to the same time, were hoping and praying that their daughter would just wake up. Its funny how life works like that. Figurativly speaking, they say when you dies your heart is full of bruises and holes....today mine has one more missing piece that has broken off for baby Rhema and her parents........
And considering the news I got today, I cant thank God enough for my beautiful, amazing, healthy, smart son. I have a friend that I went to school with back home. We didnt really hang out until high school...and then we did a lot with church and stuff together. He went on to get married to a wonderful woman and they decided to start a family. Now, these are two of the most wonderful, religious, amazing, caring, loving, grounded people you could ever meet. I couldnt think of two better people to be parents. 7 months after I got pregnant, his wife became pregnant. He was extatic. Most men are a lil scared and stressed...understandably, but not joel, he was thrilled beyond belife. His wife Val was absoloutly amazing and beautiful through her pregnancy and the two of them together couldnt have been more excited to start their family. They found out it was a girl...even more overjoyed! On nov. 3rd she was born, a month early, Rhema...weighing a lil over 4 lbs. They were told she had a disease....Trisomy 13.... meaning she had 13 chromosomes in her DNA strand instead of 12. This causes not only physical but internal disformaities. As first time parents they were told their daughter was lucky she even lived outside the womb, but wouldnt last long. She had extra toes, a cleft pallet, fused eyelids, a partial skull, and a hear murmer just to name a few things. After a week (even though she shouldnt have lived that long) they took her home in the care of hospice. Everyday she lived they were able to grow more attached to her. Turned out her eyelids werent fused and she did have eyeballs....blue ones. Her skull turned out ok too, but the older she got she would randomly stop breathing. Partly because of the heart murmur, sleep apena, and partly beacause her brain wasnt developed enough to remind her to always breath. They had to preform rescue breathing for her a few times, and she pulled out ok. She was beautiful, and full of life, and happy and had the cutest smile. And today I got the news....she passed away last night at 11:15pm. Thats all I know....I assume it was a no breathing spell, and this time she didnt make it. They knew it was bound to happen, and for almost 3 months they have been playing a waiting game. I cant imagine the emotional stress day to day, now there is grief, but relief. My heart sank when I heard the news. I teared up, but my husband came in the room and I didnt want him to see. I dont feel comfortable around him anymore and hes the last person I want comforting me. So I've waited until now, sitting here at the computer....hes at work, the baby is in bed....and now its my turn to grieve over that beautiful little baby girl whos parents must feel completly broken. She was almost 3 months old....almost. And all I can think about was last night...close to that time, I was in my sons room saying good night. He rolled over and opened his eyes to look at me....I was scared to death he was going to wake up and I was going to be up with him all night. I let out a sigh of relief when he layed his head down and went back to sleep. While Joel and his wife...at close to the same time, were hoping and praying that their daughter would just wake up. Its funny how life works like that. Figurativly speaking, they say when you dies your heart is full of bruises and holes....today mine has one more missing piece that has broken off for baby Rhema and her parents........
posted by carolinagirl8 @ 7:07 PM
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