Sometimes things suck and life isnt fair!
So much has been going on lately, that I've hardly had any computer time. Mostly the baby, work, the house...all that fun stuff, they take up all my time. I've been putting more of an effort into try to get back in touch with friends and make plans so I can get out of the house more often....even if the baby does have to join us for lunch dates, my friends dont mind. I guess I kinda lost myself for a while and forgot how nice it is just to sit and chat with a friend.
But as many ups as I have had, there seem to be twice as many downs. Back in December one of my good college friends lost her father to cancer. Shes a strong girl and has held it together well, but she was for sure a daddy's girl, so I know its been way too tough. Then, a few weeks ago, my friend and his wife lost their 3 month old baby girl. They were a little prepared because she had been sick since birth, but if you arent a parent, you just cant imagine how attached you grow to your child every single second of every single day. So, reguardless of wether or not you know its coming, losing you child might be the single hardest thing in life....not to mention a child who really never got to experience the world. Needless to say, it hit way to close to home for me and I took it very hard. I still pretty much think about her and her parents on a daily basis. I also poured my heart out to a guy friend of mine whom I've had a huge "crush" on for forever. I know how awkward it can be when someone does that, seeing as how 2 guys recently have done the same thing to me.....but I did it anyway. And lucky for me he was gracious enough to take in what I said and still want to be my friend. I have to admit though, somewhere in the back of my mind I kinda hoped it would turn out like all those movies where we both just leave our lives behind to be with eachother...fairytales, lol!! I still think he is absoloutly amazing, but it is what it is. Needless to say though, our friendship hasnt felt the same since then. Not that I expected it to, but I no longer get phone calls, and emails consist of only a few sentences....but after all I dumped on him (on top of his own personal issues), I cant say I blame him, and I am thankful he still wants to be friends.
And now for the all the great news from this week....my grandfather had surgery last monday to remove cancer in his bladder. No one knew until after it was done (stubborn old man!!) but now he has to go through some chemo and rad. stuff for a while. The only thing I can say about all of that is, I'm scared....I guess I havent really let it sink in yet, and I'm not so sure that I want to. And today, my friend called me to tell me that our other friends father had finally lost his battle with cancer early this morning. I've kinda pushed that out of my mind for the day too until just now, and I have to say, it hurts. She wasnt one of those friends that you just kinda know. Her and I were inseperable for a long time in high school and her family was like my own. I was always welcome over there anytime, I didnt even have to knock, lol! Her dad was really scary when I first met him.....hes almost 7 ft. tall and very distinguished looking. I thought he was going to be mean I guess......but he was one of the most religious, soft hearted person I have ever met. He went on missions and preached all over the world. He was so wise, way beyond my comprehension. And I remember some days when I would come in the house to get Sarah for school he would offer me breakfast, or hug me along with Sarah on the way out the door and tell us to have a good day. He was always working hard at something, but was also such a family man. It hurts to lose someone like that from your life....even though I havent seen him in years, but it also hurts to know that such a bad thing had to happen to such a good man. He has truely suffered for the past year. Medicine had basically given up on him because the cancer overtook his whole body, but he prayed and tried many alternative options. In the end, I guess God had a plan for him, but its sad to know hes gone....especially for his family....he was the rock.
Ugh, I hate feeling down, but lately I just cant help it. It kinda seems like the world is just dumping on all the people around me that I love, and I'm getting sucked in with it. I feel like I'm stuck in a funk and I just cant get out. Even my husband has noticed my usual sunshiney personality has been a bit cloudy these days. But I have faith, things will get better....and until then, I will be 100% thankful for what I have in my life!
But as many ups as I have had, there seem to be twice as many downs. Back in December one of my good college friends lost her father to cancer. Shes a strong girl and has held it together well, but she was for sure a daddy's girl, so I know its been way too tough. Then, a few weeks ago, my friend and his wife lost their 3 month old baby girl. They were a little prepared because she had been sick since birth, but if you arent a parent, you just cant imagine how attached you grow to your child every single second of every single day. So, reguardless of wether or not you know its coming, losing you child might be the single hardest thing in life....not to mention a child who really never got to experience the world. Needless to say, it hit way to close to home for me and I took it very hard. I still pretty much think about her and her parents on a daily basis. I also poured my heart out to a guy friend of mine whom I've had a huge "crush" on for forever. I know how awkward it can be when someone does that, seeing as how 2 guys recently have done the same thing to me.....but I did it anyway. And lucky for me he was gracious enough to take in what I said and still want to be my friend. I have to admit though, somewhere in the back of my mind I kinda hoped it would turn out like all those movies where we both just leave our lives behind to be with eachother...fairytales, lol!! I still think he is absoloutly amazing, but it is what it is. Needless to say though, our friendship hasnt felt the same since then. Not that I expected it to, but I no longer get phone calls, and emails consist of only a few sentences....but after all I dumped on him (on top of his own personal issues), I cant say I blame him, and I am thankful he still wants to be friends.
And now for the all the great news from this week....my grandfather had surgery last monday to remove cancer in his bladder. No one knew until after it was done (stubborn old man!!) but now he has to go through some chemo and rad. stuff for a while. The only thing I can say about all of that is, I'm scared....I guess I havent really let it sink in yet, and I'm not so sure that I want to. And today, my friend called me to tell me that our other friends father had finally lost his battle with cancer early this morning. I've kinda pushed that out of my mind for the day too until just now, and I have to say, it hurts. She wasnt one of those friends that you just kinda know. Her and I were inseperable for a long time in high school and her family was like my own. I was always welcome over there anytime, I didnt even have to knock, lol! Her dad was really scary when I first met him.....hes almost 7 ft. tall and very distinguished looking. I thought he was going to be mean I guess......but he was one of the most religious, soft hearted person I have ever met. He went on missions and preached all over the world. He was so wise, way beyond my comprehension. And I remember some days when I would come in the house to get Sarah for school he would offer me breakfast, or hug me along with Sarah on the way out the door and tell us to have a good day. He was always working hard at something, but was also such a family man. It hurts to lose someone like that from your life....even though I havent seen him in years, but it also hurts to know that such a bad thing had to happen to such a good man. He has truely suffered for the past year. Medicine had basically given up on him because the cancer overtook his whole body, but he prayed and tried many alternative options. In the end, I guess God had a plan for him, but its sad to know hes gone....especially for his family....he was the rock.
Ugh, I hate feeling down, but lately I just cant help it. It kinda seems like the world is just dumping on all the people around me that I love, and I'm getting sucked in with it. I feel like I'm stuck in a funk and I just cant get out. Even my husband has noticed my usual sunshiney personality has been a bit cloudy these days. But I have faith, things will get better....and until then, I will be 100% thankful for what I have in my life!
posted by carolinagirl8 @ 7:27 PM
