Randomness

Going to Chicago in January. Totally stoked! Cant wait for cold weather and a vaca....ALONE! Thats right, no baby, no husband, no schedule, no one needing my attention but me.....I cant explain how excited I am. Now I need boots and a coat hahaha, something I've never had to purchase living in FL!
My mom, lil bro, and lil foster bro were here for the weekend. They watched the baby while I worked....fun times. I made the boys a kick ass halloween cake which they devoured in one day! Mom took us to Ale House for dinner....love that place. She also bought the baby some new clothes and shoes....hes so spoiled.
Work was super busy but tons of fun this weekend. Sat there was about 12 of us on the schedule....all girls.....we tend to get a lil crazy ;) but its fun. Sunday was just as good only it was all boys, ha, but I love my guys!
THought I was going to have to work halloween night. I was pissed since I planned on taking the baby out for his first halloween. But a guy at work offered to cover my shift....I owe him big time. The baby is going to be frankenstien....sooo cute.
They are doing construction in our apt. complex. It totally sucks. Its very loud and there are men outside my apt. all day. Today I tried to take the baby on our morning walk, but was hounded by all the construction men so much that I gave up and went inside. Sometimes its flattering....other times its NOT!
Got asked on a date at work this weekend......and he was so hott....but aparently he missed the big rock on my hand, and hardly had time to find out about my 6 mo. old son. I kindly let him in on the info and declined. To my surprise, he brought me a piece of cheese cake from the cheesecake factory anyway! I appreciated it, but I threw it away in the back, not a huge fan of eating food from strangers.
kitty buttlicks seems to be feeling better. He hasnt thrown up in a few days which is a good sign, and hes eating again. My mom left the porch door open yesterday and he tried to run away (hes an inside cat), tricky lil bastard. I want a dog. I keep asking my husband for one, but no such luck. I would like a husky, or maybe a grey hound. In my research on dogs, they seem to be very family oriented, but still protective. We have a grey hound rescue here in orlando so I might check it out, that and the humane society.
I think my sister is coming into town this weekend. The hubby and I have a baptism class to attend on sun and we need her to watch the baby. But its been a few weeks since we've seen eachother so it should be fun.
My mom wants to keep the baby over night during thanksgiving. We are all going to tampa to have it at my sisters house. But my husband and I both have to work the day after so we are going to have to drive back home that night. My mom asked if she could keep the baby there with her for the night because she wants to take him with the boys (my bros) to the tampa zoo the next day. I'm having a hard time making a decision on weather to let him go or not. I trust her and my dad and the boys, but I've never left him like that. Especially 2 hours from me over night :( I have anxiety just thinking about it....we'll see when it gets closer to time. My husband says I need to let go, but hes still only 6 mo. old.....I'm not ready for that yet.
My husband is coming home early from work again today. Its kinda nice having him here to help out in the evenings. We are trying really hard to work on our marriage. Things have been falling apart lately for us. I think we need to get back to the basics.....you know, like why we wanted to be together in the first place....and build from there. Its hard to do that thou when you've been with someone for so long (almost 6 years!). I've been ready to give up lately, but he keeps wanting to work things out. I dont know if I have the time or the heart to try anymore, but I'm going to give it all I can. Its not really something I can or want to quit, so I guess I need to make more of an effort.
My family thinks I have no common sense. I recently found that out this weekend. I mean, I'll be the first to admit I have what my husband calls "jessica simpson" moments. I used to make him watch that Newlyweds show with me and he said it was like watching someone else act out our life, but I didnt think I was that bad. Aparently I've been that way my whole life. My mom just told me my dad used to say he was surprised I never walked out of the house with a hanger still in my shirt!!!! At least I'm good for a laugh!!

Spoiled Brats!

I think I may have mentioned before that I work in retail. I work in an upscale mall and at a fairly pricey store. On average a pair of jeans is $118. Some people find it rediculous, others find it reasonable. I admit, I own a few pairs myself, but I also get a 40% discount! I normally only work one day a week (thurs. ) and we are never that busy on weekdays. But this was my weekend to work this month so I worked a saturday which are always busy! Now, the store I work in does not carry clothes geared towards children, its mostly dressy/sexy, fashion forward sorta stuff. But for some reason, we seem to cater to a large group of 12-15 year olds. Now, if I had a girl of that age there would be no way in hell she would be dressed in clothes from my store. But these mothers come in and act like its no big deal that her 12 year olds ass is hanging out of her skirt. And they wonder why their daughters get kidnapped and rapped....maybe thats going a lil far, but most days thats how I feel. The other thing that completely amazes me is the amount of kids out there with no ID (because they arent old enough) that carry credit cards in their own name! And they use it like its no big deal. Even worse is the 13 year old I had in today who had BOTH her parents with her. She bought 4 pairs of jeans, a purse, and some jewlery....total $809.00 (please keep in mind this is a normal occurance in our store). As her dad handed over his credit card he muffled something about the hefty price tag and his daughter just laughed and said "daddy I dont like any of my other jeans, and I got 4 new ones...thats a lot." I'm sorry but I dont think not liking your pants justifies spending 800 dollars on new ones! I cant possibly imagine how children who are raised like this will ever be financially successful, or even decent members of society. To them, money has no value. At 12 years of age its nothing to drop a few hundred on a weekend trip to the mall.
Money has never been a huge issue in my life. If I truely needed something, my parents would get it for me. But I also have a younger sister, 2 younger brothers, and as of lately a foster brother. So while we were provided with what we needed, there is a HUGE difference in needing and wanting. I never had anything I "wanted" unless I earned it. I would work in the yard, or babysit, or wash the cars for money when I was younger. I had my first job at 15 and have worked ever since. I vividly remember my dad taking me to get my first credit card. It was a Sears card because he knew that was somewhere I would never shop (aka no risk of running up the bill!!!). And once a month he would take me to buy something, anything, and when the bill came I had to pay it in full. It truely taught me the value of money and how credit cards work. My junior year I bought my first car. I had a couple grand saved for a down payment, then my dad agreed to match that....but he didnt just buy me a car....and when the payment book came, I got it, not my parents. I also footed the bill for my insurance and gas. If by some chance I was short money, my parents would help out, but not without a speech, a guilt trip, and a signed paper stating what I owed them plus interest! I never even had a cell phone until college when I could afford it on my own. To my parents these things were luxuries, not necessities, and if we wanted them, we had to get them on our own. I may have bitched and moaned about it when I was younger, but I have to say, I am truely greatful that my parents raised me the way they did. I know how to live within my means and on a budget. I know the difference between wanting and needing something. And most of all I know the value of money. I cant imagine what the world will be like in 20 years or so when all these carefree spenders are adults and have to live in the real world, I can only be greatful that my child wont be one of them!!!

Ebay and other stuff

I finally did it, I sold my first thing on ebay. My husband has been ebaying for a while (I cant really say what) and has made a pretty decent extra income for us....somewhere in the $200 a month range. But as I think I may have mentioned before I HATE clutter. Therefore, I clean out closets, drawers and any other junk collecting places at least every 3-6 months. I normally give everything to goodwill (clothes, shoes, toys, purses, furniture, etc) but this time I thought I would try ebay. I have this $100 dollar chair that an ex boyfriend bought me a few years back that I've kinda been attached to. Its shaped like a high heel shoe and is leopard print. My husband dispises it for many reasons (one being the ex-bf), and my friends and fam tease me ruthlessly. I think its because everyone hated it that I insisted on keeping it for the past 3 years (and moving it to the 3 different apts. we've lived in!!!!). But, since I truely have no use for it anymore and was only keeping it dispite everyone, I decided to sell it on ebay. My mom actually laughed at me and said no one would buy that ugly thing. But since it was a gift, so anything I made off of it was profit, I took some pics and put it up for auction. That same night it already had 3 bids and 9 watchers!!!! Well, as of yesterday, I am happy to say that I just made $73 dollars on my shoe chair!!!!!!!!!!! :) Now I think I may be addicted to ebay as I'm cleaning my entire house trying to see what I can sell next....we somehow accumulated 4 televisions in all our moving and only use 2...maybe I could sell those!!!
Had a huge fight with the hubby yesterday. As normal it ended in the divorce convo. And then, as normal, he sucked up for the rest of the day. The cycle is getting so old. But on the bright side of things....I caught him looking online at winter coats for me and flights to chicago, so I think the trip is actually gonna happen. Being silly I made him a sign and taped it to the wall yesterday. See he has a bad habit of seeing clothes, shoes, or bags and thinking that they are something I would love, when I normally hate them. This year I decided not to give him the option to disappoint me. Since my b-day and christmas are right around the cornor, I drew one pic that said "happy birthday, merry christmas, ellen" and the other one has a pic of the boots I want along with a very detailed description (size, brand, make, price, store location). I figure he cant really mess that up.
Went shopping after work yesterday. I havent really been shopping alone since the baby was born. So I took an hour and walked around the mall before I left work. Found some really cute stuff in victoria secret. It was the first time I've been brave enough to try anything on from there since I had the baby. And to my surprize, it wasnt aweful. Of course my body isnt exactly the same as it was.....but its closer than I thought. I told the hubby what I had found when I got home and he actually told me to go buy it next time I work. I'm really excited seeing as how I cant remember the last time I bought anything for myself. My mom bought me a dress for a wedding a few month back, but that was it.
THe baby got up at quarter to 5 this morning. I was pissed. But he didnt stay up for too long, maybe 2 hours. Once he went back to sleep so did I. THen when he woke again, I made the hubby get up with him! We are going grocery shopping today....its always interesting when we all go together (hubby is off of work today) because I'm use to doing it on my own.
My mom and brothers are coming tomorrow for the weekend because its my weekend to work. I LOVE having company.....I'm an entertaining kinda person, I dont mind having ppl for dinner or weekend stays. They are watching the baby for me this weekend so I can get some hours in at work...we need all the extra money we can get from now through the holidays so I'm gonna be working a lot more.....meaning I am not gonna be a happy person until January!!! I refuse to leave my son with anyone but my mother (and she lives 2 hours away) so the hubby and I will be working opposite schedules and taking turns watching the baby while the other one works....should be interesting.
Kitty buttlicks is sick again, cant imagine how much this will cost ugh!

CREDIT SCORE

KICKS ASS!!! So I've never really quite understood the whole credit score stuff....or much about finances in general. But then again, I never really realized how important money actually is in life either, until lately. I am trying very hard to educate myself on money matters. I have learned to live on a budget and suprizingly its not the worst thing in the world. But I have 2 big purchases coming up somewhere in the near future (car and home) so I needed to get an idea of what my credit looked like. Since I had never checked it before I had nooooo clue what to expect.....there was a time in life when I was very carefree and irresponsible with money and racked up a total of around 5 grand between 2 credit cards....not to mention all the lil ones like gap, express, victoria secret, etc. I have since paid off EVERYTHING and closed most of the store cards just in case temptation struck. I was really holding my breath and waiting for the worst because my husband always tells me he thinks I have bad credit because of my past. He was TOTALLY wrong.....its awesome!!! I wont say what exactly, but it almost made me do a happy dance! Not to mention the "I told you so's" were VERY satisfying for me!! I was, however, amazed at how much these ppl know about me.....they had addresses on file I barely remember living at!!! I have absoloutly nothing negative on my credit....I have nine accounts on there (didnt realize I still had so many!) some old school loans and such and everything is perfect. This takes a huge weight off my shoulders and now at least I know what I'm walking into when people are checking my credit for large purchases!!! I'm trying to get my husband to look at his too, just so I can see if its better or worse than mine hahaha!! Today is a very happy day!!

Cold!

Woke up freezing this morning!! Yesterday was in the 70's and beautiful and I love to have my house open, so we went to bed last night with the windows open. Shoulda watched the news. Woke up this morning and it was sooo windy and soooo cold (ok so 60's but thats cold for FL). Closed up the house and turned on the heat because I didnt want the baby to be too cold. The hubby worked a night shift today so since he was home this morning I got up and made a nice warm breakfast for the first cold front of the year, he seemed to appreciate it. Its now 59 outside....ahh it drives me crazy how the temp is so sparatic here. In talking to my mom today I also realized that I have noooo winter clothes. I got upset last season when I was in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy during winter and couldnt fit into my clothes.....so I donated everything LOL!! Prolly not a good idea since I could really use them now, but oh well, its a good excuse for new clothes. Tried to make appts. for us all to get our flu shots, but our Dr. nor the baby's has them in yet, so we gotta wait until nov. I really dont want the baby to get sick....I'm so scared of that because hes so little and vaunerable. I had a sort of revelation today. Motherhood is definitly my calling. I have always been a very caring, nurturing person....sometimes to a fault. WIth ppl, animals, whatever....I have a huge heart and it sometimes gets me in trouble. In the dating world it never really worked out as I always tended to go for the bad boys I thought I could "fix". But today while I was playing with my son, keeping him away from all the dangers in the house and realizing that I know what every sound and movement he makes means, I was totally ment for motherhood. To me, there is no better feeling than knowing that this little life depends completely on me for survival. Being a mom is definitly a thankless job until a certain point and I think we've finally reached that point. An infant cant really show affection and to a certain extent doesnt even really know its parents because they really have no memory until a certain age. But now that my son is 6 mo. old he knows who mommy and daddy are and looks to us for comfort. He knows his limits with us both and tests them every day and this baby boy has me wrapped around his finger for sure. I find myself so much more outspoken since I've become a mom. I will do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is taken care of, and if there is something going on around us that I dont like, I have no problem saying so. I love every morning hearing his lil voice on the baby monitor playing so happily in his crib. I love the huge smile he gives me when I go in his room to pick him up after hes awake like hes so happy to see me. I love his lil baby fingers being so curious about faces and always wanting to touch (and poke me in the eye!). I love being able to say and do the silliest things and him laughing at me thinking I'm the funniest thing hes ever seen. I love love love teaching him and watching him learn new things every single day. I love when he gets tired and falls asleep on my chest. I love his open mouth drooly kisses. I love that he knows me and gets so happy when I'm around and that he looks to me for comfort in a strange setting. While having him has changed me and my life in so many ways, I love it and I am so proud to be his mom.
I have quite a few friends these days that have children....scary that we are getting that old!! But I talk to them and listen to the things they do with their kids and how they care for them. Many from disfunctional homes without one parent or the other. Many who both parents have to work and the child is left in daycare. And some who should just never be parents, who sit their child in front of a television, feed them fast food every day, and let them stay up until all hours of the night. I'm so glad I'm not that kind of parent. While I may not be the best parent in the world, my son (according to his Dr) has developed months ahead of schedule as far as motor skills for his age, due mostly to me have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. He is on a perfect schedule so there is no chaos in his life and he isnt always high strung becuase of it. He eats healthy food every day (veggies, fruits and such). He also may only be 6 mo. old, but he is learning rules. He knows he can only have his sippy cup in the dinning room and only eat big boy food in his high chair. He knows what no means and so far isnt brave enough to test me on that. He knows he cant throw fits because I wont give in. I think its important to teach kids these things young so you dont end up with a complete social disaster of a child.
I must give off a good parenting vibe to my friends as well because it seems weather they have a problem with their child or themselves, they always call me for advice on what to do and how to handle the situation. Now, dont get me wrong, by no means do I have a perfect house or family, but I do my best and so far its working. I know that everyone has their nitch in life, I've just never been sure what mine was until now. And as lame as it sounds, I think being a mom and homemaker is what I'm best at. Its a comforting feeling to know that for once in my life I feel accomplished and something makes sense.
In other news, or so to speak, my friend who left her hubby went back to him....not so happy about that as hes a sorta violent person, but its her decision and I'm just here to support her. My brother had his wisdom teeth out today and is doing well. My husband has finally realized, after I made him drive my car, that I need a new one and I wasnt making up all those things I kept telling him, YAY!! And I got a phone call today from a friend that I'm dying to see, but havent in at least 3 years.....is was a really good chat!

Beautiful day!

It has been an absoloutly beautiful day today!! We had a 10 degree temp drop over night putting it in the 70's today. For us here in FL thats a lil chilly!! The baby and I actually wore jeans today! Got bored sitting at home so I packed up the baby stuff and we headed to the mall. There are tons of malls here in orlando, I work at the Mall at Millenia....but I live closer to the Florida Mall so thats where we went. My old store manager and 2 of my old supervisiors have transferred over there so I took the baby in to see them. My DM also happened to be over there today too so the baby got to make his rounds....they all love him, but then again how could you not ;) He was so happy the whole time. The mall I work at is an upscale mall so there are none of those kiosk's in the middle of the mall...they arent allowed. But the mall we went to today has them every 5 feet with ppl constantly trying to stop you and talk or get you to try their product. I hate being bothered like that while I'm just trying to have a relaxing day. So I find myself walking as far away from them as possible and not making eye contact....I'm sure I come off as a bitch but what-ev. Got a cinnimon and sugar pretzel....not on my diet but they smelled sooooo good!! Found some boots I want for my birthday at Aldo's. The baby has been an angel today! He fell asleep in his stroller while I was shopping. THen we went to super target to pick up wipes and formula. Got home, gave him a bottle and he played on the floor with me for a few hours. I noticed he started rubbing his eyes meaning he was tired so I brought him in my room to play on the bed and within 10 min he was sucking MY thumb and cuddled up on my arm sound asleep. I took him to his crib and hes sleeping like a lil angel. Ahhh, got the windows open and the breeze feels amazing. I have a ham in the oven with the brown sugar and mustard glaze that the hubby likes and it smells soooo good! Its been a good day....lets hope it stays that way!

Kid songs

Why in the world do they make kids songs so damn catchy!!?? My parents are both very musical people, so we (my brothers and sister and I) grew up with a lot of music in our house. While I was pregnant my husband used to ask me all the time what kinds of songs I was going to sing to the baby, and some nights we would lay there for hours in bed and he would make me sing all the kid songs I could think of. He was amazed at all the songs I knew especially since the only one he knew was twinkle twinkle little star!!!! I sing with my son all the time and he loves it....we have special play songs, and clean up songs, and holiday songs, and one very special night time song. But early in the morning when he wakes up he watches playhouse disney on the disney channel. The line up includes Little Einstiens, Mickey Mouse Club House, Handy Manny, and a few more. But all of those shows have these catchy lil songs that tend to get stuck in my head ALL DAY!! Its quite annoying actually when I find myself humming these stupid songs while I'm doing dishes or taking a shower. Sometimes even when the baby is napping, these damn songs are still stuck in my head!! Ahhh such is the life of a parent I suppose, but I cant wait until he can listen to and enjoy regular music....somehow I highly doubt "Sexy Back" would appeal to him right now!!!

slight headache and embarassment

I should be banned from alcohol. I am not a huge drinker by any means....in fact I may just be the cheapest drunk you ever met. But aparently when I do it, I make it count!! Had a lil too much fun last night....but I deserved it! Pretty sure I embarassed myself.....or maybe humiliated might be a stronger and better word to use. Couldnt open my eyes this morning....I was awake, but my eyes just didnt want to cooperate. As soon I as I got up to get the baby the headache hit me. I normally dont suffer with hangovers, but I've been strickly drinking water lately and cutting out sweets, so I think it was all the sugar in the drinks that did me in. I've eaten lunch and am finally feeling better but I think I need a nap! My husband is coming home early from work today. Normally I get pissy when hes home early to mess up my routine with the baby, but today I'm greatful....I could use a helping hand. The baby is napping in his crib and I think its time for me to go curl up on the couch in his room and join him......

Bad to Better

Yesterday didnt turn out at all like I had planned, but by the time I went to bed, things were ok. The husband was supposed to be home from work between 5-6. I started dinner at 5 since I knew it would take about an hour. At 6:30 I finally put the baby in his high chair with some toys and sat down to eat by myself. A lil after 7 my husband finally came home, apologizing before he even walked through the door since he knew he was gonna be in trouble. Lately work has comsumed his life. In his line of work, his salary is based on a 50 hour work week, which to me is a lot of time to be away from your family every day. Not only that, but he is trying out some new type of "open management" policy and every single one of his employees has his personal number. Now, if you had your bosses number, would you really call him at home? I think not! But his employees dont hesitate to burn up that cell for even the smallest stupid thing like someone got to take their break before the other one. Or at 6am when they cant remember the alarm code for the store, or an employee had a bad day and just wants to vent about it. SERIOUSLY are you fucking kidding me!!?? I am getting so sick of it, but he says its his job and there is nothing he can do unless I want him to quit......what-ev. So he was in grovel mode all night while I gave the baby his bath, bottle and put him to bed. My husband tried talking and joking and being nice....I ignored all attempts. Instead I watched thurs. episode of Greys Anatomy that I had missed by being at work. It was good as always. We had a HUGE "budget" discussion last night. I finally let out all my feelings about our financial situations and not ever being included in anything. I told him how I really resent him for thinking I'm too "stupid" to understand money matters. So hes going to sit down with me and together we are going to write out a budget so we both know were all our money is at all times and I dont have to call and get permission to go to the grocery store. At the end of the convo I attempted the school disscussion one more time. Still NOTHING!! We had been talking like adults (sometimes not common in our house) for a good hour or so and the second I brought up school he never said another word. Maybe hes intimidated by me wanting to better myself....dunno? While we layed in bed last night watching TV I decided to tell him how I've been feeling lately and why I treat him the way I do. I was honest to the point of no return in telling him everything that bothers me. To sum it up, basically I feel as if I never have time for myself. Someone or something is always demanding my attention. First thing in the moring its the baby and the cat both wanting to be fed. Once I get them settled its the house needing to be cleaned, or friends and fam calling to talk, then in the evening my hubby gets home and wants to be in my face....I dont ever have 2 seconds alone. Most days I truely dont mind it....its just what I do, but lately I've felt like I really need a break. It was almost like I could feel a weight lifting off of me as I told him all these things that have been bothering me for a while. And surprisingly he took it well. He offered solutions rather than just getting upset or telling me there is nothing he can do like he normally does. He suggested I go to my parents house for a weekend or get a hotel here just to get away, but for me thats not getting away. I would still be too close to relax and staying with my parents isnt relaxing either with all my brothers still at home. So after the holiday fiasco is over, I'm taking a vaca. Destination unknown at this point, but I'm going for a weekend if not longer....alone! I dont even want my friends with me, I just want to be able to do whatever I feel like doing on my own schedule, even if it means sitting in a hotel ordering room service....I'd be happy!! We'll see if he lives up to his promise, but I'm really looking forward to it.
Dyed my hair today, I like it. Its dark, but its as close to my natural color as I've been in years. In fact, I had to look at middle school pics to even remember what my natural color was!!!!! Now I need to cut it, but that will be a different day.
On of my best friends called and said she left her husband today. She has a baby 4 mo. younger than Cannon. She asked if I wanted to pack up and move up north with her....we could take turns watching the kids while the other one went out and our boys would have playmates. Its tempting, but I dont know if I've tried hard enough to save my marriage. I feel like I need to put a lil more effort in before I just give up.
My mom is coming next week to babysit because its my weekend to work. I like when she comes because her and I are really close. But she has to bring my brother and my I guess you would call him foster brother too since my dad will be outta town. Should be interesting, but both the boys love their nephew and the baby always enjoys playmates so it will be a good time!
Kitty is on the run. The baby is crawling like lightening now and I cant take my eyes off of him for a minute....aparently neither can the cat. He was sleeping in his usual spot infront of the french doors today when the baby crawled over and was on top of him pulling out fur and trying to lick him before I could even blink!!! It was quite funny, however, kitty did not find much humor in the situation. Hes a good kitty though and too lazy to fight back so I have no worries about the baby getting hurt.
My hubby has left for work for the night so its just the baby and I. I plan on putting him to bed early and enjoying some peace and quiet....we'll see what actually happens!

Better Days

Yesterday turned out to be a much better day for me. My mood has seemed to improve a lot in the past 2 days. Thursdays are my day to work...outside of the home. I love it!! My job is not that important really, retail sales, but I love my job and my co-workers. It was a girls night last night at work (no boys on the schedule) and thats always fun. We have a tendency to gossip and play dress-up in the fitting rooms with all the new merch!! Shaq was shopping in the mall again....hes HUGE! I got my quarterly review yesterday as well and it went great. I am a "valued and dependable employee" and unlike many others, am in no danger of losing my job!!! While talking to my husband the other night, who is a retail manager for the largest resturant in his chain here in o-town, I was asking how he deals with his employees. One thing I have noticed at my job is the appreciation for my work. It may seem like nothing to some people, but to me, I leave work happy and in a good mood every week. Once I clock out and say good-bye, my manager for the day or night always says thanks for coming in, or for helping us out, or we did a great job meeting our goals, or something of that sort. While it may not be much, it makes me feel good to know that they are glad I'm there. Its definitly a good way to keep employees happy.
On a different note, I am also trying to find a job I can do at home. I most definitly have my hands full with the baby, but we could use a lil more extra income than my 230 a month. I've picked up one more day a week at work, but I want to find something that I can do on my own time. Something that allows me to give the baby the time he needs and keep my husband happy that I dont just "stay with the baby all day" and am " a productive part of the household". I refuse to put my child in day care....call me spoiled or selfish if you will, but its just not something I am willing to do, so I need to find something that will accomidate me.
I've been missing my friends a lot lately. Last months cell bill was in the 400 dollar range....oops!! As I've said before, the friends I have, I have had my whole life, so we are scattered all over the place at this point in our lives. None of them live too far away, but for me with the baby its not so easy anymore to hop in the car and go. I'm trying to convince my hubby to take a weekend off of work to stay with the baby while I go on vaca....I totally need it!
The excersize routine is coming along famously! In fact, my co-workers were commenting yesterday at how good I looked. It made me feel good cause its been hard work. I even got an offer for a dinner date from a customer....whos girlfriend was trying on clothes in the fitting rooms!!! HAHA! But I must say, its an ego boost and something I havent had in a long time, so I cant say I'm not enjoying it.
Think I'm gonna dye my hair tonight. My family has always told me I should go to cosmotology school, because thats what I'm really good at...hair, nails, make-up, etc. But I dont really like to touch strangers so that wont work for me. I do, however, do a lot of that stuff for my friends...and my husband. I highlight and cut his hair about once a month. Its that time now, so I want to do mine as well. I loooooove getting my hair done, but it usu. cost about $125, which according to the "master", isnt in our budget right now. And I know as well as he does, that I can do it just as well by myself. So, in an effort to have a bonding night and hopefully a fun night together, I suggested we have a hair night!
I'm making vegetable lazanga and garlic cheese bread for dinner. I thought I had stuff to make salad....but the lettuce wasnt looking so good so I have to run to the store when the baby wakes up from his nap. Also, I am taking the form and money to the church to register for the babys baptism class. I'm kinda excited about it cause all the fam (and hopefully some of my friends) are planning on coming for it. Plus I get a new dress, hehehe :). I'm counting down the days until my birthday....I love birthdays!! Any day I get cake and presents all for me is a good day.
Started looking at new cars today, not really sure what I want, but my current one is at the end of its life. I'm leaning towards an SUV of some sorts. My car is quite small to fit the baby and all his stuff in. My husbands truck is ok, but still doesnt have a lot of storage space as it has the cab of an explorer, but the bed of a truck which means everything is exposed to the elements. I have been noticing the car of choice for moms in orlando (according to the parking lot at the grocery store on week days) seems to be a Tahoe or Suburban, which is good with me since I dont really want another Ford. According to my husband I tend to do more thinking with my heart than my mind, and easily "fall in love" with things!! So I guess I should figure out a price range to look at before I start "falling in love" with a vehicel. I suppose my range rover is outta the question, lol!!

Teaching kids financial responsibility!

Got this in my email today from a friend. Thought it had a lot of interesting points! Off the subject...how do I change the times that appear on my postings...they are never right!


How Not to Raise a Spoiled Brat
The world's most powerful women discuss how to raise financially responsible children in an atmosphere of extreme affluence.

By CAIT MURPHY, FORTUNE ASSISTANT MANAGING EDITOR

Every year, Fortune sponsors a conference of women, chiefly from business, but also from politics, culture and charity - 300-plus of the most formidable females around.Now, I am fairly sure that the intention of the conference is not entirely to make me feel inferior. It does, however, have that effect. And so, I rather relish the moments when these assorted titans of industry (hi, there Pat Woertz!) to glamour (ohmigod, is that Iman?) to Hollywood (yes, that IS Nora Ephron) hint that the problems that beleaguer less gifted mortals are not entirely unfamiliar to them. Case in point: A breakfast discussion on how to raise financially responsible children.
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The conference is off the record, so I will not be using any names; you will just have to believe me when I say a number of women in the room were seriously rich and powerful, some of them with eight-figure salaries.And yet they, like many less wealthy Americans, are struggling with how to raise decent, independent kids when saying, "We can't afford it" is not an option. The fact is, in many cases, kids know, and their parents know they know, that that is not the case. And of course, parents like giving their kids things. That is one of the benefits of wealth, after all.But at some level, giving too much too often can deprive kids of more important things - the ability to set priorities or make long-term plans; the pride of achievement; even empathy. A teenager with an enlarged sense of entitlement and a credit card is one of the least attractive species on the planet.So, while I have neither great wealth nor children, I thought some of the strategies that came up were worth passing on.On allowances: Not a single woman said outright how much their kids' allowances were. Almost everyone, though, paid them; most said that they required some form of effort for it (and yes, I am skeptical of that).But the most interesting tweak came from a mother of grown children who said from the time her kids began receiving allowances, they were required to save some and give away some as well as spending it. The child could choose his own charity, and it could even be an activity he was associated with, but the expectation was built in. Ditto for savings. Another woman encouraged her son to save by matching 2 to 1 every dollar he put in his bank account.On shopping: A huge source of conflict. Many of these kids are being raised in situations of mass affluence - everyone around them is rich, many are spoiled, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses (or the Jasons and Tiffanys) can be intense. And since many of the women at the conference have hugely demanding occupations, the temptation to give in and buy a little peace and quiet is strong.One great solution, once a child reaches a degree of financial literacy: Set a limit and let the kid make the choice. For example, one woman loads up a debit card twice a year for her teenaged daughter's clothing needs (i.e., for warm and cold-weather seasons). The sum is $1,500, which is generous; but once that figure is consumed, that's all, folks. Her daughter can blow $1,000 on Manolo Blahniks, but then has to skimp somewhere else. Result - a more thoughtful, "empowered" consumer (to use a conference buzzword).On fiscal responsibility: My impression was that few of these women's children worked, whether at things like babysitting or lawn-mowing, or at more formal occupations like waitressing or schlepping burgers. And in fact, statistics show that there has been a decline of teenagers in the workforce. I suspect this is particularly true among aspirational types, who are busy building their resumes for the Ivy League (a revolting concept, but a very real one, alas...).So how do you teach kids who never have to earn money how to value it? One interesting idea - have the child plan a significant family purchase, such as a vacation or a new car. Obviously, you need to offer a framework, but it certainly can get a kid thinking about comparison shopping, price for value, even negotiating and finding consensus (if other family members are involved).On bailing out: Don't do it. If you want your child to be profligate and insufferable, was the consensus, the way to do it is to pick up check after check, time after time, with no accountability. One strategy for kids in college was to agree upfront what to pay for (e.g., if she is living off campus, rent and utilities; car costs, etc), plus a certain sum for spending money. And when that runs out, don't top it up.I met another woman over dinner who brought this up, in relation to a nephew she was helping to support. He was running low on money, and his mom called to see if she would help out. Her response: I'm not a cash register. Tell him to get a job. Tough financial love is best applied early, because it gets real expensive later.The love of money is not the root of all evil - those other deadly sins matter, too. But children who love money too much are surely the root of many unhappy families. The bottom line: In most cases, brats are made, not born.

McDreamy!! ;)

As I've said before, I love my friends. I got this in my email yesterday from my friend who was trying to cheer me up....it totally made my day. Thought maybe some others would find this enjoyable as well!!! McDreamy mmmm!!!

Could this day please be over!

What started as a not so great day has only managed to get worse. The baby woke up this morning as a happy baby...YAY! But when I went to make his bottle, I relized I only had enough formula to make maybe 2 more bottles....so grocery shopping was automatically on my agenda first thing. Today was my sons 6 mo. birthday and his 6 mo. check-up. He didnt take his regular hour nap this morning so I got stuck listening to a crying baby while I tried to hurry and get ready. Packed up his diaper bag, my purse, his car seat and him and headed to the pediatrician. We didnt have to wait long because we were on time which was wonderful. But as soon as his Dr. got in the room I noticed shes preggo. Great....I love her and now shes gonna go on maternity leave, bummer. But his check up went well....hes 17 lbs 9 oz. and 28 inches long....very tall for his age, must take after my side of the family. Aparently hes also very advanced for his age as hes already sitting on his own, crawling, and tryin to stand up on things....supposedly they dont "normally" do that until 9 mo. Dr. says its due to me being a stay at home mom and teaching him things.....so its good. He had to get 2 shots in his leg today...one didnt hurt, the other made him scream....it breaks my heart. But I came equiped with bottle on hand to sooth the pain. Called the hubby on the way home to tell him I needed to go to the store and find out how much we had for me to spend. After huffing he told me about 70 bucks....HA, was he kidding? I havent been to the grocery store in like a week....I needed way more than 70 dollars worth of stuff. Drug the baby back upstairs, changed and fed him, then back in the car to head to the store. Car sounded a lil rough starting but it managed. Almost saw a guy walking get hit by a tahoe...it was interesting, he wouldnt have had a chance against that thing. Driving in orlando is, like, rediculous. Did our shopping, sat the baby in the cart for the first time instead of dragging in his carseat, he loved it and tried to grab everything off the shelves. Ended up spending 108 dollars, wasnt looking forward to telling the hubby that one. Leaving the store my car wouldnt start....so as my food was melting in the back a really hott guy offered to help me (ok so there was one good thing that happened today!). He was very intersted as to where my husband was or "do you have one?" So at least I had a nice chat with a hott guy! Luckily my dad always told me to have jumper cables and it did the trick, but I'm driving my husbands car tomorrow (he somehow managed to convince me the HE needed a new car and bought himself an explorer sport trac)....I'll be damned if he gets to drive the new car without the baby while I have to drive my old car with the baby. Doesnt work like that in my world. Got home and carried the baby and our bags upstairs. THen had to make 3 more trips to get all the groceries in the house. Like I said earlier, I have felt a huge weight on my shoulders lately for some reason, cant put my finger on it, but its there. I was really feeling like I was gonna lose composure at this point in the day, but I put the food away and put the baby down for a nap. I started doing dishes and cleaning the house when he woke right back up crying. I knew his shots were making him feel bad, but I lost it. I picked him up trying to rock him back to sleep and I just started to cry. My poor baby pushed away from me looking at my face, and even though I know hes too young to understand mommy was upset, he had a worried look on his face. And he reached up with his little baby hand and touched my cheek as if to tell me its ok and he loves me. Of course that made me cry even more. SOmetimes life just gets too intense for me. I feel totally overwhelmed and I feel as if I have no outlet to release things. Marriage is sucky, baby is stressful, I hate my apartment, I need a new car, money is tight (or so my husband says).....its like I have a world of worries and none of them even revolve around me. I dont even have a second to think about myself anymore. I'm always to worried about the baby or my husband or my fam and friends or the cat and the house....anything but myself. I need a vaca....ALONE! To end my day, while I was fixing dinner my husband was feeding the baby a bottle. But the baby was fussy so he called me in there to ask if I could give him some tylenol. In the time it took to give the baby tylenol, I had forgotten I left the spoon in the pan and burned the rice and melted the spoon. It stunk, so I threw it off the balcony!! I seered steak strips and made steak and green pepper quesadillas. Why do green peppers smell like weed when you saute them!?? Dinner turned out good and my husband seemed to be in a good mood, so I decided to attempt the school convo again. And again it didnt go well. I was telling him about some info that I had gotten online from UCF and the degree program I wanted to do and how my previous classes might transfer.....no interest from him at all. It truely hurts my feelings that he doesnt think I want, or can do this. I always thought a partner was suppose to support you in your dreams. My parents just put in a pool over the past few months. Its finally done so I think I'm gonna go visit this weekend. I need some time away from the house. Maybe my parents will be a lil more encouraging that my husband has been. Maybe they will even offer to pay. THe week before my wedding my dad said even though my husband should now be responsible for me, if I ever wanted to go back to school I had nothing to worry about and he would pick up the tab. Guess I'll see how serious he was....I love my parents. Heres a bit of randomness......back in high school I always wanted to be an actress (go ahead I know you wanna laugh), but I had an agent and worked on some small projects for a while. One thing I did was Dawsons Creek, which is now off the air. But I am totally addicted to One Tree Hill, which also films in NC and I was noticing tonight they use all the old sets from DC...strange. Anyway, I'm gonna go indulge myself in some ben and jerrys half backed frozen yogurt and laguna beach now that the hubby and baby are in bed....I need it!

School

Still not sure if ppl actually take the time to read this stuff....doesnt really matter thou as writing things down helps me sort my own thoughts out a lil better. Recently my marriage has been a bit rocky...and by bit I mean REALLY rocky. We've always had a kinda love /hate relationship...we are very blunt and honest with eachother and that tends to lead to arguments. Not only that, but we were raised in very defferent types of homes so we dont always see eye to eye on family issues. I come from a very loving, caring, respectful family, he comes from a very cold, unloving, disfunctional family. Lucky for me I have a very best friend that I met back in college who is going through the same stuff. We seem to talk incessently lately and god knows we both need it!! She is my same age, just got married, and has a son about 4 mo. younger than cannon. Her and I always joke about moving away and living somewhere together....but as of late, it doesnt seem like such a bad idea! I recently told my husband I want to go back to school. He actually laughed at me and said "no you dont. You have never wanted to before". I wasnt even sure what to say. I just rolled over and went to sleep. Guess I'm on my own with this again, like so many other things in life. But I'm determined to make it work, especially since he doesnt think I can do it. My son is 6 mo. old today. I cant believe how quickly time flies and how big hes getting. He has his 6 mo. check-up today....I think he has to get shots again....that usually makes for a miserable 2 days for me since the shots make him feel kinda crappy. Just another day in my life.....lately I've just felt like the world is resting on my shoulders. Cant put my finger on it, but its a pretty sucky feeling. However, I just realized that my birthday is soon....the day before thanksgiving....so I'm kinda stoked about that. I usually get good stuff...my fam and friends spoil me!!

Daddy cant Deal!!

Well today was one of my husbands days off....of course work has called him twice already cause they cant seem to function without him!! Hes a retail manager for a world wide resturant chain and his hours pretty much suck...he works about 50 a week give or take a lil. And it usually leaves me home alone at night, which I hate. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I think I've mentioned in previous blogs how hes been a lil stand off-ish with me and the baby lately. Not really sure why, could have something to do with the stresses in our marriage right now, but we wont go there. However, last night he told me he wanted me to have a day off. He volunteered to get up with the baby in the morning and take him out for the day or whatever so I could have a day to myself. YAY!!! But I shoulda known better. First off, the baby woke around 4am this morning crying because of his teeth. My husband jumped up and and said he would get him, but 5 minutes later he was calling me in there to take care of the situation. Its a very simple process really, change the diaper...if that doesnt work feed him, if that doesnt work his teeth are probably bothering him so give him some orajel and rock him back to sleep. Aparently he just doesnt understand the trial and error method and would rather scream for me. I truely dont mind taking care of my son 24/7, but it does piss me off when you say you want to help and then dont. If thats the case just let me get up with him in the first place. Finally I got him back to sleep. When he woke this morning I let him fuss in his crib for a lil bit waiting for the hubby to get outta bed as he had promised. Didnt happen. I finally went in there and got the baby myself when he started screaming. His excuse....he was tired from getting up with him in the middle of the night!!! Welcome to my world!!! After a while the hubby got up and took him and told me to go back to sleep. Not 10 min. later I hear the baby crying in the living room and my husband saying "whats wrong. daddy doesnt know whats wrong". Are you serious.....hes 6 mo. old....hes not gonna tell you whats wrong. I knew what was going to happen next and I was right....my husband is standing next to the bed holding my son saying "mommy, baby misses you, he wants a kiss." Now, let me make is perfectly clear that I love my son with all my heart and would do anything for him, but every now and then I need a break from baby world....and since my husband had promised me that, I was totally pissed that he had come in there to bother me with the baby. So I got outta bed and the first thing he says to me is....."can you watch him real quick so I can take a shower." Hmmmm I manage to shower every day without anyone helping me. Put the baby in his pack and play and set it in front of the bathroom door, the shower curtain is clear so I can see him while I'm in there. No big. But I guess it was for my husband. So after feeding, diapering, dressing, and playing with him.....this isnt really feeling like a day off for me. While I appreciate my husband wanting to help....I cant help but be angry that he doesnt know how!!! I've tried having patience and showing him things to do and explaining how I do things when I'm home alone all the time....but he just doesnt get it. I completely lost it when he said he was taking the baby to the store. He put him in his carseat while I got the diaper bag ready and the stroller out. THen he stands there and looks at me and says "arent you going to help me get this stuff out to the car" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? Keep in mind we live on the 2nd floor of our apt. bldg. And every day I carry the stroller, the diaper bag, my purse, and the baby IN his carseat up and down the stairs...ALONE!!! I dont mind doing all this because its just what I do.....but why is he not capable of doing the same things. What in the world would he do if he was ever left alone with this child....I'm scared to find out!!! And when I try to be nice and talk to him about this stuff he gets upset and starts saying how he must not be as good of a parent as I am. It has nothing to do with that really, but if you wanna help out...learn how to do it!!!!

Best friends

I truely have the best friends in the entire world. You see, I grew up in a very small country town. I moved there when I was in kindergarden and stayed until I was 21. So I never really remember making friends, I've just kinda had them all my life. My very best friend I've known since the day I moved to my hometown, she lived across the street. We've been friends for 18 years....not that many people have friendships that last that long these days, and I have at least 3. We've had our ups and downs, but have always been like sisters. I've recently been going through a lot in my life with my marriage and trying to get used to being a young first time mom. And its so nice to have a friend who knows me inside and out, past present and future, who would never judge me and loves me unconditionally, to listen to everything I need her to listen to. I just cant say enough how much my friends are my world and without them I wouldnt be me. I heard a quote the other day that said "best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us", but in my case I have plenty of my own siblings!!! So I heard a better quote today "best friends....because our parents couldnt handle us as siblings!!!" It couldnt be more true. We've been there through first crushes, first dates, first kisses, first....;), heartbreak, deaths, sneaking alcohol from our parents, getting our mouths washed out for saying penis (ha), driving, graduation, college, partying, and now marriage and kids. Its crazy to think how much we've all changed, but I cant tell you how good it felt the day I stood at the alter with my soon to be husband and looked back at the girls I've known since we were in pigtails with missing teeth (tear). And how proud I have been to stand at the alter with them and their soon to be husbands!!! I truely have the best friends in the world!!

What if?

I've always been a grounded person, but tend to be a bit of a free spirit at heart. Just when I think I'm content, something else seems to look better. But I've found myself thinking a lot lately about what if's? What if I had finished school, what if I had stayed in my hometown, what if I had never gotten back together with my husband (we split for a while after we got engaged the first time). And most of all....what if I had hooked up with someone in particular years ago. How would things be different....or would they. Most days I feel slightly guilty thinking about these things as my husband kisses me goodnight and tells me he loves me. I love him too....but I catch my mind wondering quite a bit. I hope thats a normal thing. My "what if" also has a significant other and I assume hes happy with her as well. People say the grass isnt always greener on the other side....I dont really think that matters to me. The grass could be dead for all I care, as long as its a good experience and I can get these what if's outta my head! I have no idea if ppl actually take the time to read these things, for me its just a good way to get things out without having to talk to anyone in particular. But I really hope I'm not the only one out there whos mind tends to wonder all too often. And I have to be honest when I say that if I ever had a chance to answer the what if's in my life....I think I would take it.

Finances

So, my husband and I have been married for a year and a half. But we have lived together consecutivly for 3 years. When we first moved in together we both had seperate jobs that paid well and were able to afford to do whatever we wanted. We had a joint bank account to pay for household stuff that we both put a certain amt. out of every paycheck into, then we had our own personal accounts that we paid our own things with, ie student loans, cell phones etc. But now I am really no longer pulling an income as I am a stay at home mom, so he controls most of our finances. Usually I wouldnt have a problem with this, I feel its the guys place in a marriage to handle those issues, but him and I do not see eye to eye on our finances. I think that when we have any extra money its very important that we put it away in a savings account for a home, a car, college for our kids, whatever. He thinks we should use it right away to pay more towards bills and try and get ahead. SO I finally compromised with him recently as we had many credit cards with outrageous interest rates and lots of hospital bills for the babys birth, and we got a consolidation loan from the bank. In just those bills alone we were paying appx. 450 a month and never getting ahead. Now we have an awesome interest rate and only pay 265 a month. Also, the hubby recently recieved a promotion that means he gets paid salary plus bonous'. I have got living on a budget down to a science now, which I never thought I could do, but seeing on paper how much money I used to basically throw away changed my thinking. My husband, however, still thinks I am completly incompetant when it comes to money. SO while he was at work today I listed out his income, and every bill we pay to see why he continues to tell me we have no money, when I know we do.
He makes in the mid to high 40's which means he brings home appx. 3500 per month.
Bills per month:
Rent-969
Water-30
Elec.-130
Digital Cable/internet-103
Health Ins.-60
Car Ins.- 165
Loan- 265
Jims truck-375
Gas-130
Groceries-400
Cell-150
___________
Total-2777

Which should leave us with about $723 extra a month. Now granted some of that goes in his 401K and sometimes we eat out and such, but thats a decent amount of money. All he ever tells me though is that we have no money to save for a house and so on and so forth. I dont guess that he thought I was capable of figuring this out for myself. ALSO, I dont really work much but I bring in somewhere around 200 a month working my one day a week, AND my husband bonous' every quarter at work which is another 2-3 grand extra!! I'm not sure if I have the right to ask him about this considering its pretty much all his money and I suppose he can do with it as he pleases. I guess my question is since we are married is it considered OUR money and should I confront him about where it is all going???

Excersize

Well its only 10:30am and my day has already begun hours ago. The baby woke at 5am today, screaming beucase hes teething. I gave him tylenol, a bottle, and rocked him back to sleep. I dont know whats been going on with my husband lately, but he has no interest in helping me with the baby anymore. He likes to play with him, but thats about it. And only if I'm home and he can give him back when hes done. But thats a whole different blog!! So the baby and I got up and went to church while my husband slept. I am trying to attend on a regular basis and we just registered to become members because its very important to me (and my hugely religious catholic family) that he be baptised. Again, my husband seems to really have no interest. When we got home from church I took the baby for our morning walk. See, my whole life I've never had a problem with weight. I have amazing genes and have been blessed with a tall slender body naturally. But as I've gotten a lil older, things have changed, and I have to work a lil harder at it now. Its been hard for me to get in an excersize routine because I've never really done it before, but I have found its an addicting stress reliever for me and I love it. Like my info says, I was married a year and 5 months ago and had a baby 6 months ago. Pre wedding I was very nervous and had tons of stuff going on and I lost a lot of weight...standing exactly 5'6" I weighed in around 115 lbs. After the wedding I put some of that weight back on as most ppl do after getting married. Then 2 months later I got pregnant. I weighed myself the day I found out I was preggo and I was at 125 lbs. I gained very little weight for about the first 7 months of pregnancy, so much so that the Dr.s were getting a lil worried. At 7 mo. I had only gained 11 lbs. But I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy and was determined not to be huge! I worked the entire time on my feet all day, ate healthy, took vitamins, and never had morning sickness or anything like that. At 8 months I finally started gaining a lil more weight and by 9 months I was up to an 18 lb weight gain. They say the majority of the weight comes in the last few weeks of the pregnancy when the baby gets all its fat and plumps up to come out. That, along with my 3 weeks off of work pre baby to rest and get the house ready, I ended up with a total weight gain of 30 lbs!!!!! I was devistated, but I just accepted the fact that I had to give up my body in order to have my amazing lil boy. I breast feed for the first 2 months which burns tons of calories, that along with being a first time mom and hardly ever finding time to eat, within about 2 weeks post pardum, I was back to my pre pregnancy weight. BUT my body had changed. While my weight was back to normal, my body didnt look like it used to. So, I've adapted a excersize program. I used to do push ups, crunches, and lunges before bed every night just to keep myself sorta toned, but that was not cutting it now. I have come to realize that I LOVE cardio. Every morning, after the baby has his first bottle, I take him for a walk around the lake in our apt. complex. The view is beautiful, there is a calming waterfall that drowns out all other sounds, and the baby loves to be in his stroller. We walk until I get tired. My dad is a marathon runner so I had him estimate how far he thinks we walk and he says its appx. 3-3.5 miles. Just by doing that I have toned my legs and butt again and dropped a few lbs in my waist. Then I remembered about a year ago I ordered pilates videos off of an infomercial, the only time I have ever ordered from the television, but I swore to the hubby that I "needed" those DVDs. Of course when we moved to our new apt. they ended up in a box somewhere and I've never given them a second thought until recently. So I dug them out and now I do my pilates when the baby takes his afternoon naps and that has helped sooooo much to tone my body back, esp. my arms and stomach. I'm back to 120 and on my way to reaching my goal of being back at my best weight of 115. I have also started eathing healthy. My husband, who has no motivation to work out but really should, has a tendency to eat at strange hours and loves to eat lots of junk. Living with someone, you tend to adapt their habits and I was doing the same thing. So I've stopped and am really struggling to fight the temptations of junk food as its really my weekness. I have my coffee (its a must if I want to function) and peanut butter toast or a bagle with cream cheese for breakfast. For lunch I either make a salad or have cottage cheese and fruit....which I actually do enjoy. Then I started cooking all the time for dinner. Its a lot more healthier than eating out and seems to be cheaper too. Growing up my mother cooked every night, and I want to do that for my own family not only for quality family time at the dinner table, but so that they get at least one balanced meal a day. My mom has me in the habit of always having a meat, a veggie, and a starch for dinner, and I make sure to keep my portions just enough to fill me up. After dinner which is usually around 6pm I dont eat anything else for the rest of the night. Then the baby and I go for another walk around the lake to wind us both down for the night. After I put him to bed, I work out again for about 30 min. So far its working amazingly. I'm dropping weight quickly, but also toning back to my old self. I actually enjoy looking in the mirror now and being able to see all my hard work pay off. I still have 5 more lbs to go, but I'm a much happier person now that I feel like myself again!