That special time of year

So work is still crazy busy. I had to be in at 7am today. I also totally forgot that employees had to park off site this weekend.... you know, to save all the spots for the last minute shoppers. But its not so bad. There is an office building behind the mall....Duke realty/construction something...we just park in their lot and take a shuttle over to the mall. The drivers are really nice and you get candy canes and there are usually a billion other ppl that work at the mall....its actually kinda fun. Worked from 7-12 came home, changed, went grocery shopping, came home, unloaded everything, changed again, took the baby to the mall, came home, played for a few hours, and now hes in bed. Its been a long day. And because my husband has been home with him the past few days while I have been working, the house is a disaster. It amazes me how he thinks I do nothing all day long, but yet when hes home with the baby its all he can do just to keep an eye on him. Asking him to do any house work is outta the question...his response...I'm watching him all the time when do I have any time to clean. Hmmmmm I'm not sure, but heaven forbid if I didnt find the time to do it. Oh well...just another part of my life. Get up, work all day, come home, watch the baby, do all the housework, run errands, and somehow find a single second for myself!! My work christmas party is tomorrow night! I am going stag since I would never trust a babysitter with the baby, so my husband is staying home with him. YAY, night out for me!!!! Its gonna be tons of fun since I LOVE LOVE LOVE my co-wokers!! Well, its still early and the baby is in bed....time to do damage control on the house before the hubby gets home tonight....blah...

UGHHHHH

It has been a hateful past few days! I have been working my ass off at my actual job...I dont normally work hours like I have been lately. I actually went a whole day without seeing my son. He was asleep when I left for work, asleep when I got home, and still asleep the next morning when I had to leave again. Its killing me! Then yesterday I had the worst fucking customer in the world! I wont go into it because I'll get mad all over again, but I have never felt the urge to beat the shit outta someone like I did this woman(and I'm not even really that kinda person)!!! I have to work again tomorrow at 7am and the baby has been quite a handful today. I worked this am, then came home and traded with the hubby cause he works tonight. I just got back from driving around with the baby trying to get him to sleep....this teething shit sucks! What sucked even more was that its friday night...so I'm driving by all these bars and resturants near our house that are packed with ppl sitting outside eating and drinking on this beautiful florida night while I drive my kid around in a desperate effort to get him to sleep....every now and then I really miss my old life! And since I'm obviously venting...wtf is up with ppl from Ohio....seriously do you even have to pass a test to get a drivers license? And why doesnt anyone from Ohio ever want to stay in their own state!? When I lived in myrtle I thought it was bad....the would invade us for the summer....but aparently florida is even worse! Nothing personal against anyone from ohio, some of my fav boys are from there....but in my experience you guys seriously need some driving lessons! Hmmm what else has pissed me off today....it truely hasnt been my day for whatever reason. Well....how bout the fact that while driving my son around I thought maybe if I could find some christmas music on the raido I would be in a better mood, since I was just driving around looking at christmas lights anyway. NOPE! Out of all the 8 million radio stations we have here in O-town I couldnt find christmas music on a single one. Oh wait, I actually did, but it was fucking spanish.....come on now! Hmmm I thought I would feel better after all this venting, but I'm acutally mad all over again, haha...dinner time....bed time....maybe tomorrow will be a better day although I highly doubt it considering its saturday and I have to be at work at 7am....UGH

Construction headache and house hunting

Well they are 2 weeks into the 4 week construction project on our apt. complex due to mold infestation...great! We still have plastic over all of our bedroom windows. They have torn down the outside walls and replaced the insulation. Next they will put the outside walls back up, come in and tear down our drywall inside, replace that and install new windows. I guess the outcome will be good, but for now its so loud my pictures were vibrating off the walls and the baby cant nap!! All the more reason to get out of this fucking apt and move to a house. As I said before, my husband and I do not see eye to eye at all on finances. I think its mostly an ego thing for him. Hes scared some one is going to tell us we cant afford something. Its never happend before, but if it did who cares, we just look into something different. In searching online I found a builder who is building beautiful new homes in our community in the low 200's. Thats a price we have never seen since moving here (orlando is an expensive place to live), so I was totally excited. We drove out to the sales office yesterday and got all the info and put our names on the waiting list for a home (it may be a couple months but I'm ok with that). I'm sure things may happen in that time that we may go for it, or maybe wait, but I didnt wanna miss out just in case. Now its on to the the loan situation. I just dont know where to begin. Every time I try to discuss things like that with my husband it turns into a huge fight so I tried to avoid that yesterday. Instead I called my dad...prolly not the best thing I coulda done cause that pisses my husband off even more haha...but he always helps me with everything. We stayed on the phone for over an hour while he tried to explain the things I should ask, terms I should know, and all the things that are involved in a home loan or mortage. I was practically in tears through most of the convo, mostly feeling like an idiot, but partly feeling like there is no way I can do this and not have someone screw me over. Like I said last blog, I know my husband will be of no help....not that he knows about this stuff anyway, but still. I just dont wanna end up getting the shitty end of someones deal only because I didnt know any better. I took lots on notes on my talk with my dad, so I will try my best to familiarize myself with the info he gave me, but I still feel like I just dont know where to begin. In researching on the computer last night, I did find some kinda good news. My husband has a good salary, and my very small extra income helps some too.....but even though we have a decent income, there is still all kinda of gov't assistance in our county/city for first time homebuyers. I'm sure some of it is scam stuff and I will have to carefully sort through, but if there is money out there to be had...why not take advantage of it. My husband got all pissy raving about how we dont need gov't support.....but thats not really what it is. And if you can get someone else to give you 20 grand for a down payment, why not take it!? Of course there were stipulations, nothing is free, but it wasnt anything that I thought was unreasonable. If you get the money, you have to stay in the house for 10 years. If you sell/ rent before then, you own the money back....big deal. If you wait for the market to be right, you could sell, pay them back, and still make money. I dunno....sooo much to think about. Its not anything that will happen soon since its kinda a big thing and I'm obviously on my own here, so it will take me some time to sort through everything and find something that is right for us. In the mean time, I think I am going back to school....ahhhh!!! Am I crazy!? Its just that I dont know from day to day what may happen with my marriage...and I dont wanna be left out in the cold with no savings, no education, and no job....which is pretty much my status now as a stay at home mom. I'm gonna do most of it online and I'm sure it will be a slow process, but I already have 2 years behind me so only 2 more to go (or 3 or 4, ha!).

Overwhelmed

Ok so I have to admit....I am totally lost and overwhelmed, I dont even know where to begin. Ever since my husband and I moved to Orlando 3 years ago we have lived in an apartment. We had an amazing, beautiful, large one bedroom when we first moved here for 2 years and now we have our 2 bedroom in a better area but not as nice internally (we live on the side of the blgd that gets NO sunlight!!!) I always have my eyes open for nice houses for sale, you never know when you might find a good one. In my ideal world I would build my own....but I dont see that happening any time soon. Home prices continue to go down daily around here and I am seeing many signs change from sale to rent....people are getting deperate. As my husband says, I get on a true house kick about every 3 months and I drive him crazy for a few weeks and after being shot down a million times I give up. He swears there is no way we could afford a house...at least not right now....I dont see why not! My mom and dad keep telling me that I will never get him to cooperate, so I need to do it myself and just bring all the info to him when I find something and work things out. The problem with that is I have no idea where to begin. I dont know what our finances look like (as I have mentioned before he doesnt share those things with me) and I would think that would be the first thing I would have to get in line in order to figure out what we could afford. I know there are a billion (ok not that many but you get the pic) kinda loans you can get and so on and so forth. I'm not sure if a real estate agent in necessary or if I can search all the info myself, I mean every other house in the neighborhoods around here has a sign in the yard and I have stacks of numbers to call on ones I like. Is is wise to do a rent to own or a lease option, which is what a lot of sellers are looking for. I am totally mind boggled right now....I REALLY want to do this....and on my own. Maybe for selfish reasons, but mostly to show my husband that I'm not a complete idiot and we CAN have a house. It kills me to think that hes ok with throwing over a grand away on rent every month and has no desire to get into a house. My district manager gave me the number to the financial consultant him and his boyfriend used to get both of their houses even when everyone else laughed at them...so maybe I should call!? I think I need my daddy, he always knows the answers!!!

SOLD!

The past few days have been a lil nerve racking. As I've stated before, my husband works for a huge world wide company, and just found out a few days ago it has been sold. The former owner, Rank, decided to sell as they are trying to get more into the gaming industry. His company was bought for 965 million by the Seminol Indian Tribe....WTF!? Previously the Indians owned one hotel and casino...now they have the entire company. They only scary thing is that the company as a whole always had trouble dealing with the indians when they only owned the one building...who knows what will happen now. They have made it clear that they have many people in their tribe who are business savy (which I dont doubt) and who will be sent out across the world to random locations to help run the business. For now, we are just keeping our fingers crossed that they dont come in and clean house, replacing all management with their own.....its a lil scary after so many years to suddenly lose your job security. And thats only from my point of view...I cant imagine how my husband must be feeling right now knowing hes our sole supporter. Guess we will just take it one day at a time now.

Day off

Yesterday was the first day in months that both my husband and I were off. It turned out just as I thought....we fought most of the day. We took the baby to get his picture made with Santa at the mall.....our mall is very elaborate and fancy....the Santa Village cost 4 million dollars!!! But it was beautiful and totally worth it. The baby LOVED santa and the pics turned out so great! We then went grocery shopping which always turns into a disaster when we go together. I always make a list...so what I shop for is actually what we NEED and my husband spends the whole time trying to cut cornors and put things off til next time to save money....UGH! If we didnt need it, it wouldnt be on my list....spend the damn money and get over it! I had a nagging headach all day to top it off and the longer the day lasted the worst it got. I was suppose to go to a jewlery party last night at my husbands bosses house, but decided not to go since my head was hurting so bad. Then he got pissed about that... who knows why! He thinks the more I socialize with her the better he has it at work....whatev! Maybe if he had a hot male boss that would be different, lol! They have started construction on our apt bldg. Its VERY noisy, messy, and totally annoying. Its making all of us miserable, they have draped black plastic over the windows so the workers cant see in, and in turn we have NO sunshine in our apt for the next month. The tearing off the exterior of our building and replacing wood, windows, and insulation....its a good thing but very inconvienient.

I am totally feeling the stress of the holidays. This year we are trying to keep things low key and just enjoy the baby's first christmas.....keep it intimate family, but of course everyone always wants to butt in.....and with him being the first grandchild/ great grandchild on EVERY side of the family, I'm starting to feel a lil overwhelmed. My husband and I have never spent a christmas in our own home, we have always traveled to my parents or my relatives houses a few hours south of us. But last year after all the traveling we did in ONE day (2 hours to my parents, 45 min to my grandparents, 20 to my other grandparents, the two hours back home!!!) and I was 5 months preggo.....I refused to leave our house this year. I have told everyone that we are spending christmas with our new baby as a new family in our own home. For some reason everyone took that as an invitation to come to MY house for christmas. Someone please stop the madness!! Not only that, but they will all be back the next week for his baptism!!!!!!!! Tis the season right!?
I've had a huge feeling of guilt looming lately. Obviously I work in a mall, and I normally work opening shifts. Before the store opens we have to take the deposit from the night before down to the bank (its in the mall) and then we always go to starbucks or panaera and get coffee and breakfast. So my manager Capree and I got our morning coffee and breakfast and while walking back to the store we passed a table set up for some chairty (I dont remember what it was). You got to pick an angel off the christmas tree with a childs name on it and either make a donation or give a toy. Now of course these types of things are everywhere this time of year so I normally turn my head and try not to give it a second thought, Simply because everyone seems to want money for something and with a new baby and me not really working much...my husband and I really have nothing to give. But I think it was the fact that I had just wasted a least 5 bucks on coffee and breakfast that I didnt really need that made me feel the guilt. If I could have forgone the peppermint mocha a child coulda had a lil better christmas. So this week when I go into work on thursday, I am going to take my "coffee allowence" and donate it, it may not be much, but its all I have to give.
My dad came to stay with us this weekend....he had some meeting in daytona so he crashed at our place...seems like someone is here every weekend lately!! But its fun. I love to entertain. He even stayed over until sunday so that he could watch the baby for us while my husband and I went christmas shopping. But we decided that instead of shopping we wanted to go on a date....something we havent been able to do in a few months....at least without the baby anyway. We went and saw 007, Casino Royale......loved it! I was a lil worried that it wouldnt be my type of movie, but I got so into it that I didnt even want to leave and go to the bathroom although I had to go really bad, lol!! It was kinda long, but I never even noticed! One thing I didnt notice however, was the beginning that took place in Uganda. A few months ago, the company I work for, GUESS, produced a chairty tee and tank for the invisiable childrens fund. Its a charity that help take children out of dangerous situations in uganda, where they are forced to carry wepons and fight like grown men. The shirts (or tanks) were only like 20 bucks and also came with a dvd explaining the chairty and showing footage of what its truely like for those children over there. Of course we all (employees) bought one, but I wont watch the dvd....seeing things like that truely hurt my heart...I cant handle it. But anyway, in the beginning of the movie they are in uganda and you see children sitting around holding wepons.....it made me feel good to know that I had done at least something little to help!
We started putting up our christmas tree last night, but a string of lights was out so I have to go get more tomorrow. Suprizingly the baby is not that enamoured by the tree....he really hasnt messed with it at all. We are taking him to the mall tomorrow to get his picture with Santa....I'm so excited for him, hes going to be so cute!!! Too bad he has no clue and will never remember it, LOL! My husband and I both have a day off of work together tomorrow.....that hasnt happened in months. I'm a lil scared though becuase things have not been going well between us lately. Our marriage has been a a fast downward spiral lately and its all we can do to hold it together.
I hope tomorrow doesnt turn into some huge fight about something, like everything seems to lately. I feel like I always have to try to be on my best behavior around him these days, like I cant even relax and be myself.....I hope things get better, or we arent going to last much longer.
Well, the baby is down for the night and my husband is at work....so I guess its time to clean house and try to enjoy some time alone!!!

Some days I dont get it, some days I get it right!

Its one of those days where I wish I could just walk away from everything and become a new person with a new life....of course I would take my son with me thou! I hate who I've become, I hope things get better....or change completely....